Geneva, Wednesday 22 April 2020

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Today, the staying-at-home and the news are getting to me. I feel a need to get away from the whole pandemic thing. I hope you’ll join me for a trip to the other side of the world for a spot of fishing and painting.  More than a little self-indulgent, I know.

The brown trout Salmo trutta! This fish has been a fascination for me throughout my life. They don’t get much better than this at 9.5 pounds and my fishing buddies in Jacindaland will be able to tell from the photo what this beauty had for dinner. Go on, guys, use the “M” word!! (BTW.. I let the fish go.) The brown trout is a noble beast and the big ‘uns are difficult to catch on a fly. Isaac Walton, author of the Compleat Angler (1653) published a recipe for baked trout; the first line reads “First, catch your trout.” 

So, a free style, open air painting to match the catch.

Step 1. Find place to inspire painting.

Step 2. Prepare raw canvas with white acrylic. Arrange stones in sort of fishy form. 

Step 3. Dribble paint of unlikely colours over stones. Blue wash above the fishy form. Green wash below. (Remember to keep stones for friend’s rockery.)

Step 4. Place bigger stones as if on river bottom and dribble brown / green paint between them.

Step 5. Let dry whilst having lunch in the sun and investigating lake edge for signs of trout.

Step 6. Remove all stones.

Step 7. Use imagination to find the fish.

Step 8. Consider rubbish bin.

Step 9. In desperation, cover with very dilute dark blue wash.

Step 10. Ask friendly gallery in Reefton, South Island to stretch it up.

Step 11. Call it “Trout.”

We went for a cycle ride down to Geneva’s lake side this evening. A beautiful sunset. People are out and about as if it’s a summer Sunday. It seems like everyone expects some lifting of isolation measures in the next days.

I just looked at the BBC news. I knew that would be a mistake.

Geneva, Tuesday 21 April 2020

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My grasp on reality was shaken yesterday evening when a pink, three metre long, helium-filled “Rarity” version of My Little Pony drifted high over our balcony. I thought this lockdown really could not get any crazier. Well…. The news this morning is that US oil prices have gone into negative. What?? That means suppliers of crude oil are paying people to take the black gold (!) off their hands. Storage space for oil is now more valuable than the oil itself. 

About two years ago I found myself playing golf with some high-flying financial chappy from the Geneva business world. I asked him what he thought the impact on the markets might be of a major public health event such as a repeat of the 1918/1919 flu pandemic. He looked at me as though I was totally off my chump and muttered that it would make little difference and anyway nothing could ever again be as bad as the 2008 crash.

Just as crazy – and also in the US – I read that health-care personnel are out on the streets demonstrating against and confronting those demonstrating against the imposition of lockdown measures. The two schools of thought (see Day 34 ) on how best to respond to the pandemic are now facing-off on the streets. It is no longer a policy discussion. This is without precedent and should really ring alarm bells. 

New Zealand is currently seen as the country that has best managed the pandemic. The Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, has claimed “We have done what very few countries have been able to do.” She has repeatedly used sporting terms as opposed to war analogies. Good on her! She thanked her five-million strong team for “stopping an uncontrolled explosion of COVID-19.” From my perspective, it’s just a little early for such self-congratulation. New Zealand may indeed get away lightly, but COVID-19 cases globally are still booming and the country’s history has shown just how easily a viral pandemic can roll through even a geographically isolated nation. The 1918/1919 flu entered New Zealand on one of seven ships that docked in Auckland in late October 1918. It takes a tiny viral spark to ignite this particular fire.

At home, my wife has noticed that Donald, my sourdough starter, is suspiciously active. Indeed, as active as her two week old Boris. I might be in trouble here.

Each day in the life of a natural sourdough starter, half has to be discarded; the remaining half is topped up again with flour and water. Repeated, this cycle selects the more active yeasts. Today was Donald’s first day of discard. Rather than waste it, I added a little milk together with pinches of salt and baking powder, and made a couple of delicious crumpet-pancakes for breakfast.

Today’s putting: me 1 up. Overall, me 17-9.

As a follow-on from Day 36 and by popular request…. The Sun front page from 25 November 1859.

Geneva, Monday 20 April 2020

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I found an old copy of the Sun lying around; it’s dated 25 June 1348.

Ha! Not really! This is a page from the Millennium Edition of The Sun by John Perry and Neil Roberts. Published in December 1999, it is one of my most treasured books. It reports informatively on what would have been major news from the previous two thousand years but in the inimitable style we all love to hate. It begins with, inevitably, the birth of Christ (A STAR IS BORN Messiah claim as virgin has baby in stable – 26 December 1AD). It covers major events from then – see below – and moves seamlessly past the first real edition of The Sun on 17 November 1969 to genuine front pages (GOTCHA Our lads sink gunboat and hole cruiser – 4 May 1982) and (FREDDIE STARR ATE MY HAMSTER Comic put live pet in sandwich, says beauty -13 March 1986). Startlingly, it projects forward some decades (WE ARE NOT ALONE World leaders announce man has made first contact with aliens (ET Phones Home: Sun souvenir edition) 2 April 2040)

The Sun reported that, on 25 March of this year, Prince Charles tested positive for the coronavirus. (Charles tests positive for coronavirus at 71 and is self-isolating to keep him….OUT OF MA’AM’S WAY) Brilliant! How do they do it?

Advisory: Readers for whom English is not the first language may not appreciate these headlines. The Sun’s journalistic jingoistic front-page play-on-words is the stuff of legends. We understand that this might leave you scratching your heads in dismay. 

The Millennium Edition has some real gems. What about this from 19 June 1815?

On the long drives up to Scotland of yesteryear, we used to play a game “Guess The Sun headline.”  One of us would read the text of an article in a recent edition; the others then tried to make up the headline. After a few attempts, the published version was then read out; groans and laughter. None of us ever came anywhere close to The Sun’s wit and creativity.

Go on… give it a go! Here’s an article from 11 October 1034 about Canute, King of England. You’ll find the complete front page well below.

We are (that is, I am) already actively engaged in the Boris v. Donald sourdough starter competition. Here they are, fermenting-off just after their floury lunch. Can’t you feel the tension?

Bread-makers among you will notice with surprise that Donald is fizzing like a good ‘un after only 24 hours. Boris, meanwhile, has been gently bubbling for two weeks and has already delivered us two delicious loaves. I have an admission… I named my starter after the Commander in Cheat for a good reason. Because he has to catch up on lost time, I slipped my Donald a teeny-weeny bit of live commercial yeast just to give him a bit of a giddy up. Seems to be working! There’s no chance of my wife finding out; she doesn’t read my blog!  

The putting competition. I won today 3 and 2 with no missed putts! Yay! That’s me up 16 to 9.