Geneva, Tuesday 21 April 2020

My grasp on reality was shaken yesterday evening when a pink, three metre long, helium-filled “Rarity” version of My Little Pony drifted high over our balcony. I thought this lockdown really could not get any crazier. Well…. The news this morning is that US oil prices have gone into negative. What?? That means suppliers of crude oil are paying people to take the black gold (!) off their hands. Storage space for oil is now more valuable than the oil itself. 

About two years ago I found myself playing golf with some high-flying financial chappy from the Geneva business world. I asked him what he thought the impact on the markets might be of a major public health event such as a repeat of the 1918/1919 flu pandemic. He looked at me as though I was totally off my chump and muttered that it would make little difference and anyway nothing could ever again be as bad as the 2008 crash.

Just as crazy – and also in the US – I read that health-care personnel are out on the streets demonstrating against and confronting those demonstrating against the imposition of lockdown measures. The two schools of thought (see Day 34 ) on how best to respond to the pandemic are now facing-off on the streets. It is no longer a policy discussion. This is without precedent and should really ring alarm bells. 

New Zealand is currently seen as the country that has best managed the pandemic. The Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, has claimed “We have done what very few countries have been able to do.” She has repeatedly used sporting terms as opposed to war analogies. Good on her! She thanked her five-million strong team for “stopping an uncontrolled explosion of COVID-19.” From my perspective, it’s just a little early for such self-congratulation. New Zealand may indeed get away lightly, but COVID-19 cases globally are still booming and the country’s history has shown just how easily a viral pandemic can roll through even a geographically isolated nation. The 1918/1919 flu entered New Zealand on one of seven ships that docked in Auckland in late October 1918. It takes a tiny viral spark to ignite this particular fire.

At home, my wife has noticed that Donald, my sourdough starter, is suspiciously active. Indeed, as active as her two week old Boris. I might be in trouble here.

Each day in the life of a natural sourdough starter, half has to be discarded; the remaining half is topped up again with flour and water. Repeated, this cycle selects the more active yeasts. Today was Donald’s first day of discard. Rather than waste it, I added a little milk together with pinches of salt and baking powder, and made a couple of delicious crumpet-pancakes for breakfast.

Today’s putting: me 1 up. Overall, me 17-9.

As a follow-on from Day 36 and by popular request…. The Sun front page from 25 November 1859.

Geneva, Monday 20 April 2020

I found an old copy of the Sun lying around; it’s dated 25 June 1348.

Ha! Not really! This is a page from the Millennium Edition of The Sun by John Perry and Neil Roberts. Published in December 1999, it is one of my most treasured books. It reports informatively on what would have been major news from the previous two thousand years but in the inimitable style we all love to hate. It begins with, inevitably, the birth of Christ (A STAR IS BORN Messiah claim as virgin has baby in stable – 26 December 1AD). It covers major events from then – see below – and moves seamlessly past the first real edition of The Sun on 17 November 1969 to genuine front pages (GOTCHA Our lads sink gunboat and hole cruiser – 4 May 1982) and (FREDDIE STARR ATE MY HAMSTER Comic put live pet in sandwich, says beauty -13 March 1986). Startlingly, it projects forward some decades (WE ARE NOT ALONE World leaders announce man has made first contact with aliens (ET Phones Home: Sun souvenir edition) 2 April 2040)

The Sun reported that, on 25 March of this year, Prince Charles tested positive for the coronavirus. (Charles tests positive for coronavirus at 71 and is self-isolating to keep him….OUT OF MA’AM’S WAY) Brilliant! How do they do it?

Advisory: Readers for whom English is not the first language may not appreciate these headlines. The Sun’s journalistic jingoistic front-page play-on-words is the stuff of legends. We understand that this might leave you scratching your heads in dismay. 

The Millennium Edition has some real gems. What about this from 19 June 1815?

On the long drives up to Scotland of yesteryear, we used to play a game “Guess The Sun headline.”  One of us would read the text of an article in a recent edition; the others then tried to make up the headline. After a few attempts, the published version was then read out; groans and laughter. None of us ever came anywhere close to The Sun’s wit and creativity.

Go on… give it a go! Here’s an article from 11 October 1034 about Canute, King of England. You’ll find the complete front page well below.

We are (that is, I am) already actively engaged in the Boris v. Donald sourdough starter competition. Here they are, fermenting-off just after their floury lunch. Can’t you feel the tension?

Bread-makers among you will notice with surprise that Donald is fizzing like a good ‘un after only 24 hours. Boris, meanwhile, has been gently bubbling for two weeks and has already delivered us two delicious loaves. I have an admission… I named my starter after the Commander in Cheat for a good reason. Because he has to catch up on lost time, I slipped my Donald a teeny-weeny bit of live commercial yeast just to give him a bit of a giddy up. Seems to be working! There’s no chance of my wife finding out; she doesn’t read my blog!  

The putting competition. I won today 3 and 2 with no missed putts! Yay! That’s me up 16 to 9.

Geneva, Sunday 19 April 2020

The writing of yesterday’s Diary was tough. A lot of stressy memories. A bad night’s sleep. I wanted to put it out of my mind today. So, it probably would have been best not to look at this morning’s news. Japan appeared to have the virus under control. Today, doctors are warning that the country’s health-care system could collapse amid a wave of new coronavirus cases. Officials say emergency rooms have been unable to treat some patients with serious health conditions due to the extra burden caused by the virus. This story just rattles me a bit more. I fear such reports will feature regularly in the next weeks. 

Inevitably, I was up early. I took a cup of tea onto the balcony. Another beautiful clear morning. If I look west towards the Jura mountains, I can just make out the CERN; the Large Hadron Collider guys who also gave us touch screens, solar panels and of course the Hypertext Transfer Protocol for the World Wide Web. Brainy stuff!  And where would we be in this lockdown without the web? Much more isolated and uninformed for sure.

I bet the godfather of the web, Sir Tim Burners-Lee, would never have imagined that making the interrnet searchable would permit the Rolling Stones to rock together from different locations in a global show of support for health-care providers during a pandemic. Yesterday, the Stones performed “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” during One World: Together At Home. (Charlie Watts’s air drumming was inspired!)

And then I looked east. The big smudge of an eye-sore that appeared last week on the Salève has today extended out further from the face… a bit like a black version of Sir Michael Jagger’s tongue!

 Take a look at where it was last week.

What is happening over the border in France? Maybe they’ve struck a coal seam.

Today’s putting competition: my wife was clearly inspired and didn’t miss a single 2.2 metre putt. She won 1 up. Total games: me -15; she – 9. 

Only very rarely do we argue. The discussion this morning about how we exercise Boris the sourdough starter, how we feed him and when we let him off the leash loafwards became really quite animated. As a result and to keep the peace, it’s been decided that I will have my own starter. Donald came into existence a couple of hours ago. His gas emission is quite impressive already. You can see where this is going. We are competitive on both golf course and lockdown putting mat. So…. the dough-off is foreseen for ten days hence.